I’m not really sure what to say about Final Exam (1981). The story follows the generic slasher-film template, killer stalks pretty girls on college campus, but an attempt by writer/director Jimmy Huston (My Best Friend is a Vampire, 1988) to make the narrative “character driven” fails completely. Mundane chats amongst the college students take up way too much screen time. A unimaginative script, amateurish acting, and really low production values make Final Exam one of the dullest slasher films of the 1980’s. Still, there is some things that might intrigue the die-hard bad movie buff.

There’s an elaborate fraternity prank in which a terrorist attack is staged on campus so that a quarterback can cheat on his finals. There’s the weirdly miscast Joel S. Rice as Radish, the lovable nerd. Radish is implausibly in love with the films mousy heroine. No one in the film seems to notice that he’s clearly a “friend of Dorthy”.  At least Rice’s swishy demeanor makes each of his scenes oddly memorable.

Finally, I’d like to tell you who the killer is and why he hacked-up most of the cast. Seriously, I’d like to… but I can’t, because the film never bothers to explain this teensy little plot point. Since people die everyday, for no reason whatsoever, the filmmakers purposely left the identity of the killer a mystery. It’s more realistic that way.

Oy vey.

Check out Final Exam, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

What We're Watching Final Exam