Absurd plot? Check. Absurd dialog? Check. Terrible American actors? Check. Terrible dubbing of Spanish actors pretending to be American? Check.
Slugs: The Movie(1988) is undoubtedly a Juan Piquer Simon film. Fans of the Spanish director will love this gory tale of angry slugs that (thanks to toxic waste) start attacking the citizens of a sleepy New England town. The gore effects are pretty outrageous and the script is ridiculous from start to finish, so we don’t hesitate to reccomend it. One word of caution though, don’t eat anything while watching it, you’ll thank us later.
The name basically says it all when it comes to Hillbillys in a Haunted House(1967). A group of entertainers, on their way to a Nashville jamboree, stop and spend the night at an old haunted mansion. Unbknownst to our singing trio, some bad guys are using the basement as a base of operations for stealing some sort of secret formula from the next town over. The villains include genre stalwarts John Carradine, Lon Chaney Jr. and Basil Rathbone. Why, even George Barrows (Robot Monster, 1953) is on hand as Anatole, the henchman gorilla.
Part horror/comedy and part musical, Hillbillys is essentially a mess. What little plot there is stops dead whenever it’s time for a song. Your enjoyment of the film will vary depending on your tolerance for old school country music. Still, there is a colorful, half-assed charm to the proceedings. Besides, it’s always fun to watch Joi Lansing do what she does best… looking pretty while lip-syncing badly. Below is a clip of one of Joi’s more surreal moments. Gowns, gowns indeed!
I’m not really sure what to say about Final Exam (1981). The story follows the generic slasher-film template, killer stalks pretty girls on college campus, but an attempt by writer/director Jimmy Huston (My Best Friend is a Vampire, 1988) to make the narrative “character driven” fails completely. Mundane chats amongst the college students take up way too much screen time. A unimaginative script, amateurish acting, and really low production values make Final Exam one of the dullest slasher films of the 1980’s. Still, there is some things that might intrigue the die-hard bad movie buff.
There’s an elaborate fraternity prank in which a terrorist attack is staged on campus so that a quarterback can cheat on his finals. There’s the weirdly miscast Joel S. Rice as Radish, the lovable nerd. Radish is implausibly in love with the films mousy heroine. No one in the film seems to notice that he’s clearly a “friend of Dorthy”. At least Rice’s swishy demeanor makes each of his scenes oddly memorable.
Finally, I’d like to tell you who the killer is and why he hacked-up most of the cast. Seriously, I’d like to… but I can’t, because the film never bothers to explain this teensy little plot point. Since people die everyday, for no reason whatsoever, the filmmakers purposely left the identity of the killer a mystery. It’s more realistic that way.
Oy vey.
Check out Final Exam, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Actor John Ashley once co-starred alongside Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello in films such as Beach Party (1964), Muscle Beach Party (1964) and Bikini Beach(1964). Later in his career he would team up with writer/producer/director Eddie Romero for a series of low-budget horror and action flicks shot in the Philippines, drive-in classics like Brides of Blood (1968), Mad Doctor of Blood Island (1968), The Beast of the Yellow Night (1971) and Savage Sisters (1974). The Twilight People (1973) is their take on The Island of Dr. Moreau with a little of Most Dangerous Game thrown in for good measure. Ashley’s character, Matt Farrell, is kidnapped while scuba-diving and taken to a remote island where an evil doctor is doing unnatural human/animal experiments. The doc has a cute daughter that Matt kinda digs, but decides to split when he learns that he will be the doctors next guinea pig. The second half of the movie details the adventures of Matt, the animal hybrid experiments, the doctor and the doctors huntsman enforcer as they stumble trough the jungle looking for a means of escape. Considering it’s low-budget limitations, The Twilight People is a fairly decent and well-paced action/adventure. The animal make-up effects are decent, but Darmo the bat-man would be ridiculous under any circumstances no matter what the films budget. It’s obvious that Ashley is in ‘cool-guy’ Steve McQueen mode here, underplaying several of his scenes so that you begin to wonder if he’s even awake. The Twilight People is available on DVD from VCI entertainment. The movie is presented full-frame and picture quality is fair. This isn’t a deluxe edition by any means. A few trailers and some actor biographies are the only extras. It should also be mentioned that The Twilight People has what may be the coolest opening title credit ever… Pam Grier as The Panther Woman. Come on, that’s seriously badass no matter how you look at it.
Wow. I just finished watching Pieces (1982) for the first time. I wasn’t expecting much (it was directed by Juan Piquer Simon after all) imagine my delight to discover the sheer insanity of this Spanish-made horror flick. The movie is one WTF moment after another. The plot (such as it is) concerns a chainsaw wielding maniac dismembering co-eds, though that description doesn’t really do the film justice. To truly comprehend the level of insanity on display, I have three words for you… Linda. Day. George. Pieces is a bad movie must-see and I can’t recommend it enough. Here’s the trailer.
Needless to say, the fourth volume in the 42nd Street Forever series is completely brilliant. Like the discs that preceded it, volume 4 highlights trailers from just about every conceivable exploitation genre you can imagine (and even some you can’t). Some of the films included are Coach (1978) Shadow of the Hawk (1976) Combat Cops (1974)and the CCT favorite Yor: The Hunter From the Future(1983). For a complete listing of all the movies featured in this volume, visit the Synapse Films website.
This month is TCM’s Summer Under the Stars film festival. Each day is devoted to a specific Hollywood star. Coming up on Sunday the 10th are the films of Doris Day. In addition to her comedies and musicals, they’ll be airing the stewardess-in-peril flick Julie (1956). The following day is devoted to Richard Widmark. Be sure not to miss the nuthouse classic The Cobweb(1955). On Tuesday the 12th, Kim Novak gets her turn in the spotlight. No day of Novak films would be complete without Robert Aldrich’s camp masterpiece The Legend of Lylah Claire (1968). None of the film mentioned above are available on DVD so be sure to set your Tivo and DVR’s!
This month is TCM’s Summer Under the Stars film festival. Each day is devoted to a specific Hollywood star. Coming up on Sunday the 10th are the films of Doris Day. In addition to her comedies and musicals, they’ll be airing the stewardess-in-peril flick Julie (1956). The following day is devoted to Richard Widmark. Be sure not to miss the nuthouse classic The Cobweb(1955). On Tuesday the 12th, Kim Novak gets her turn in the spotlight. No day of Novak films would be complete without Robert Aldrich’s camp masterpiece The Legend of Lylah Claire (1968). None of the film mentioned above are available on DVD so be sure to set your Tivo and DVR’s!
In The Velvet Vampire(1971) a young couple (Sherry Miles and Michael Blodgett from Beyond the Valley of the Dolls) meet a woman at an art opening and then agree to visit her desert home where they willingly fall prey to her blood-thirsty seductions. The Velvet Vampire is neither fish nor foul. It’s not scary, so it doesn’t succeed as a horror film. There is some nudity, but it’s not graphically sexual so it doesn’t succeed as a sexploitation flick either. So why should you watch? Sherry Miles’ empty headed performance as Susan is a genuine treat. Her “acting” style and flat line readings make it pretty clear that she’s not just playing a dumb blond. Below is a trailer in which it’s paired with Scream of the Demon Lover (1970).
Could there possibly be anything better than the vehicular insanity of 1977’s The Car? I think not. James Brolin (complete with 70’s porn stache) plays the sheriff of a southwestern town that’s being terrorized by a car from hell. No, the driver isn’t a manic. No, the car isn’t possessed. It’s literally a customized Lincoln from hell that can stop killing 70’s era character actors. Borrowing liberally from Jaws (1975) and The Exorcist (1973), The Car is a laugh riot from start to finish. Even the moments that are car-free are hilarious thanks to the screen-time spent on the melodramatic lives of the small towns citizens.
