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Chances
are, when an aging Hollywood star gets the chance to play a character
from the world of the Thee-atuh it usually means there's going to
be some serious acting, Acting, ACTING! Joan Crawford gets such
a chance in Torch Song (1953) a musical/drama about the personal
and professional life of a ball-busting Broadway diva.
While
in the middle of a dance rehearsal for her new show, aptly titled
Evening with Jenny, Jenny Stewart (Crawford with a vibrant
dye job) berates a chorus boy for a repeated misstep. When the choreographer
suggests that she bring her leg in just a bit, she strikes her signature
pose with her right leg extended defiantly and snarls, "He's
paid to get around that leg!"
She
lays into her beleagured director (Harry Morgan) and complains to
her producer that, "If doctors performed operations the way
you produce shows, everybody in the country would be dead."
After regaling him with a laundry list of the show's problems, she
vows that, "No show Jenny Stewart's in is going to be a flop."
Jenny's
icy professional demeanor melts momentarily when she signs a few
autographs for some teenagers waiting at the stage door. One devoted
fan explains that she wasn't able to come by earlier because her
mother was sick, to which Jenny answers, "We should all take
care of our mothers." Words of wisdom from Mommie Dearest herself.
Swathed
in a dressing gown that's so yellow that it burns the retinas, Jenny
prepares for bed by closing three sets of drapes. Once her bedroom
is hermetically sealed against the light, she lies awake rehearsing
her lies, but is soon crying herself to sleep because she is so
desperately alone.
Gig
Young has the thankless task of playing Jenny's sycophantic gentleman
friend Cliff. While he lounges amid the chic furnishings of her
Manhattan penthouse, Jenny explains that the basis for her type-A
personality comes from her love of the audience. "I'm going
to give them the best that's in me. No matter who, what or when
tries to stop me."
The
next day at rehearsals, Jenny is so busy making changes and ordering
people around that she doesn't notice the new musical arranger.
When she spots the Seeing Eye dog next to the piano, she realizes
that Tye Graham (Michael Wilding) is blind. He expertly plays the
piano as Jenny strikes her signature pose and sings the song "Follow
Me" in which Crawford's own mannerisms and over-the-top interpretation
of how a Broadway star should perform bring to mind all the subtlety
of a drag queen's nightclub act. After the number, Jenny demands
to know why the other accompanist quit. Tye diplomatically explains
that she's "a pretty rugged sort of dame to work with."
While
rehearsing another number, Jenny fumes at the minor changes Tye
has made, "Shall we try it again…the right way?"
"That's
what I was trying to do," Ty quietly replies, "But I can
do it your way." When Duchess the Seeing Eye dog begins to
bark at Jenny's wild tantrum, Tye explains that, "She's not
used to loud voices."
"If
she expects to stay around here," Jenny shouts, "She better
get used to them!"
Later,
at a crowded restaurant, Jenny is surprised by Tye's manners, "I
get you fired and you invite me to sit down with you? Why don't
you get yourself a nice seeing eye girl?"
With
snappy dialog courtesy of bad movie scribe John Michael Hayes, Tye
proves that Jenny isn't the only on who can toss off a bitchy remark.
Tye had been warned by colleagues to steer clear of the Broadway
star because she "Had a sensational figure but threw it about
like a burlesque queen." And that her, "Mouth belonged
to an angel but the words that came out of it were pure tramp."
Later
that evening, Jenny pays Tye a visit at his Upper East Side home.
When she arrives at his lavish apartment, complete with oriental
houseboy, even she can't seem to believe it, "He lives here?"
After interrupting his jam session, "I certainly didn't expect
your ivory tower to be jumping." Jenny orders him back to rehearsals
and then promptly leaves.
Nice-girl
Martha, who's obviously carrying a torch for Tye, asks him why he's
fallen for the heartless diva. "Is it because she's impossible
to have? That you want to beat her down and feel like a conqueror?"
In
his soft-spoken, slightly new agey way, Tye explains that though
Martha is "intelligent, sensitive and faithful" (qualities
she seemingly shares with his dog Duchess) he can't "see"
her, but he can "see" Jenny.
At
rehearsals, the romantic tension continues to build. Crawford proves
to be quiet adept at mouthing the words to the romantic ballad "You
Won't Forget Me". The illusion would be complete if it weren't
for the obvious fact that the vocals are not her own. India Adams
provided Jenny's bold singing voice.
Bored
and alone at home, Jenny aimlessly plays with the remote control
console on her bedside table. In an effort to understand how Tye
experiences the world, Jenny closes her eyes and attempts several
mundane tasks like telling time, dialing the telephone and lighting
a cigarette. Being blind is a lot harder than it looks.
Jenny
throws an impromptu cocktail party with an all male guest list.
Gig Young has the unfortunate task of fawning over Crawford, telling
the audience just how beautiful and irresistible Jenny is. "There's
no one like you on earth. Your leg moves and a million faces look
up. Your throat utters a word and even a blind man can see 'em."
There's one blind man in particular that's captured Jenny's interest.
At
the final dress rehearsal, Jenny and the chorus members run through
the finale, "Two Faced Woman." It's this unbelievable
number that propels Torch Song from an average backstage
romance to an unforgettable piece of cinema trash. The cast members
(Crawford included) perform the number in blackface! Though it was
made before the civil rights movement of the 1960's, it's had to
imagine that anybody, anywhere, at anytime could've thought that
this was appropriate.
In
an atrocious turquoise sequined gown Jenny makes her grand entrance.
As she begins to "sing", she descends a grand staircase
into a smoky, stylized jazz joint. She seductively winds her way
through the chorus boys, incurring the wrath of the women who are
all wearing Aunt Jemima-style head wraps. The cast moves through
the simplistic choreography which consists of Crawford hitting a
predetermined mark, and then posing. To top it all off, Crawford
rips off her black wig to reveal her own frightful orange hair!
Despite its obvious awfulness, everyone seems thrilled with the
show.
Since
neither Tye nor Jenny will come right out and say "I love you",
they continue to bicker. "You made a career out of shouting
at other people," Tye says stating the obvious; "It's
time you heard some of the echoes. Every time you open your mouth
you expect to rock the world on its heels."
"I've
rocked it a few times, buster." Crawford snarls as she paces
back and forth.
"Stop
trying to make the world shout 'Hurray for Jenny' every hour on
the hour." Tye goes on to explain that if she continues with
her self destructive ways, she'll end up a "cheap and vulgar
has-been."
Jenny
relates her woes to her opportunistic mother played by Marjorie
Rambeau, who amazingly got an Oscar nomination for her role. When
Jenny tells her that Tye is blind, Rambeau comes up with this priceless
piece of motherly wisdom, "Well, your father was somewhat bald
ya know when I married him. I guess we all carry some infirmity
with us."
Soon
a trip down memory lane (courtesy of mother's scrapbooks) reveals
that Tye, before the war and his "infirmity", wrote a
glowing review of one of Jenny's early performances. When one of
her songs "Tenderly" is played on the hi-fi, Jenny can't
help but sing along with the record and give a performance in her
mother's living room. The moment is strangely surreal since neither
voice belongs to Crawford.
Arriving
at Tye's apartment, Jenny sends Martha packing and listens while
Tye pounds out his own dramatic rendition of "Tenderly"
on the piano. She knows that he's loved her from the very beginning.
He was afraid of being rejected and hid his true feelings behind
a smug and slightly superior façade. "I finally cracked
your shell," she remarks when he throws a Jenny Stewart-style
tantrum and ends up on the floor, an emotional wreck. "I do
need you Tye," she reassures him. "Guess I better start
taking lessons."
"What
kind?"
"How
to be a seeing eye. Believe me," Jenny coos, "Duchess
has her limitations."
They
lean in close for a romantic embrace and kiss till the final fade
out.
Torch
Song not only marked Joan Crawford's return to MGM, but was
also her first film in Technicolor. The ads for the film trumpeted
the arrival of "The New Joan Crawford - The Eternal
Female!"
Today,
Torch Song is best remembered for the audacious "Two-Faced
Woman" number which is featured in That's Entertainment!
III (1994). In a segment devoted to the glamorous leading ladies
of MGM, it's revealed that "Two-Faced Woman" was originally
part of the film The Band Wagon (1953). When the song was
cut from that film, the same India Adams track was later used in
Torch Song. It's fascinating to see the deleted Cyd Charisse
scene compared along side Crawford's "tropical make-up"
performance. Debbie Reynolds, who narrates the segment, coyly suggests
that "they may have dropped the wrong version."
The
DVD features a widscreen print (1.85:1) and the original mono soundtrack.
Special features include Tough Baby: Torch Song, a short
documentary that covers the making of the film and offers insights
into Crawford's life during the production of the film. A trailer,
an animated short and a vintage Crawford PSA for The Jimmy Fund
are also included, but the best feature has to be the recording
session where Crawford gamely tackles singing, "Follow Me". Crawford's
voice isn't terrible, though it's not particularly good either.
With
garish Technicolor, acidic dialog, dubious production numbers, and
Crawford at her man-eating peak, Torch Song belongs at the
top of every bad movie aficionado's must-see list.
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